slashquotes

“

Two days later, he wandered into the den to find Steve alone, lying on the sofa, watching some brightly coloured children's TV show with wide, fascinated eyes. He was also wearing a pink t-shirt, with what appeared to be a pony on it. Tony opened his mouth to say something withering about letting Tigra pick out one's clothes, but the words stalled in his throat as he studied it. It was both too tight and too short, which meant Steve's muscles were straining at the seams - if he were to flex it would probably just fly right off him. And below the hem, there were a good two inches of pale skin visible before faded jeans cut off the view.

Tony stared at those two inches of skin as if they had a secret message written on them; there was something he wasn't quite getting, some connection he couldn't quite make.

"Tony?" Steve was looking at him, a little crease between his eyebrows. "Is everything okay?"

"I - " Tony blinked. "I - no, Steve, it's not okay. It will never be okay as long as you take fashion tips from twelve year old girls."

Steve's lower lip pushed out a little, in that stubborn way he had.

"It's Fluttershy," he said, as if that explained everything, and Tony shook his head and they were off into a conversation that involved far too much talk of magical ponies for his liking.

”

“

He waited, but Rhodey just stared, despairingly, at his cluttered desk. Tony sighed, and decided to give him an easier question. "So is she Mrs God of Thunder? Mrs Odinson? How are you working that out?"

"She's staying Doctor Foster."

"Oh, of course. Publications." Another thought occurred. "Will their kids be Odingrandson or Thorson? Thordaughter. Do they do Thordaughter? Is that how it works? Maybe they should just be Fosters too. Fosterdaughter's not really going to work." He spun his chair back and forth. "Friggagrandaughter? Lokiniece."

”

“

"Is that the mom you've been sleeping with?" Rodney asks.

John tries to hide his shock. "Nora's got a big mouth, I guess. But we aren't sleeping together. She thinks," and he checks himself, tries again, "she knows I'm gay."

"Oh," says Rodney, dumbstruck.

"Wait, you thought I had a girlfriend and you still decided to come back here?" John presses, suddenly suspicious.

"Well," says Rodney, "I hardly think she'd present any competition. I mean. It's me."

”

“

There was a pause; Thor tapped his hammer idly, frowning.

"You fear he may not have been killed, but translated to another world?"

"He'd be what, a hundred years old by now?" Tony said.

"Maybe ten, twenty years older than me," Steve said dryly. "They don't know if it was the ice or the Serum that kept me young." He'd been sure, at least, that Schmidt was dead. The idea he could be back, could be loose even now plotting disaster - could have access to the Tesseract - it didn't bear thinking about.

"So you think there might be some kind of immortal super-Nazi lurking out there in space?" Tony hesitated. "I didn't mean for that to sound mocking, by the way, but I am kind of boggled that we have to address this as a legitimate concern."

”

“

"I'm arranging a diversion. Probably not a long one, so I want you to snoop fast once it hits," Neal said. "You on form?"

"I'm like Muhammad Ali in his prime," Mozzie announced. "Only short, white, and out of shape."

”

“

Neal rubbed his head. "You know, it's occurring to me that you might actually be better at girls than I am, and that's really sad."

Peter was smiling. "For a start, calling them women helps a lot. It's amazing what you learn about them when you don't spend all your time flirting with them.

”

Reposted by

“ John knew it must be written all over his face, this revelation, because Sherlock closed his eyes for a second. "Is it really so terribly difficult to believe I care about you, John?"

John rolled onto his back. "Actually, it is."

"Oh. Good, then it's not just me." Sherlock sounded relieved. ”

“

"This, gentlemen, is the heart of our team." Starsky proudly pointed to his Ford Gran Torino.

"It's red," Adams said bluntly. "With a white racing stripe."

"You guys go undercover with this thing?" Dawson said with undisguised awe. "Jeez, you must be good."

”

“ Hart wanders off, bored, which will be his pattern regarding Gwen's spawn; it's not that he doesn't like babies, it's just that they hold zero interest for him because he can't shag, eat, or annoy them. Even Hart has his boundaries. ”

“

"Wow!" said John, with deliberate over-brightness. "That sunlight today. Really..." he paused for dramatic effect, and a smile started to tug at the corner of Rodney's mouth, "refractive!"

Rodney snorted and stuffed a piece of sushi into his mouth. With his usual lack of care for the way he was flashing half-chewed food, he said, "Just like a rainbow, you mean?"

His gaze finally met John's, and they both grinned at each other like maniacs.

"I can't believe you just set me up with a gay joke!" Rodney said, but he was clearly pleased at picking up John's cue. "You're a walking cliche. You know that, right?"

"You know me, Rodney," John replied. "The perfect straight man."

”

“

"In my experience," said John, darkly, "there never is a brain-wiping device handy when you really need one."

"Well," said Rodney, with the eager look he always wore before they started in on a discussion of the vagaries of paradoxes, "not that you can remember, anyway!"

”

“ [playing "Five authors you'd bang"]
Fuck Walt Whitman. You know he'd demand a handjob and then after he got one he'd roll over and go to sleep, and you'd be like 'excuse me?' and he'd be all 'You, too, received a handjob, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.' ”

“ Conner was halfway convinced that when he'd been young, his father had inserted a tracking chip somewhere.  When he'd turned seven, he'd spent a solid two hours looking for it, but then his father had walked in on him inspecting the space between his legs with a mirror. All Conner had taken away from that experience was that if the So You've Become Sexually Active speech his father apparently had planned for when he was sixteen was anywhere near as awful as the So You've Discovered That You Have Special Feelings There speech, he was either going to have to run away from home or just avoid turning sixteen altogether. ”